Trump Swipes The Dude Bros' Man Card

They Backed Trump To Look Like Alpha Men, He Made Them Look Like Beta Clowns

I am not in the mood to be magnanimous to Andrew Schulz.

I understand I’m not his target audience, and that’s fine. Crude male-focused comedy has never appealed to me. I never listened to Opie & Anthony, or watched The Man Show, or whatever that MTV show Schulz did with Charlamagne Tha God back in the early 2010s was. I get that some people find him, and other right-wing comedy figures like Joe Rogan, who recently creepily joked about his ability to beat up his wife and daughters, funny.

How this doofy-looking Friends casting reject with a moustache that looks like it was drawn on with a Sharpie somehow became one of the arbiters of “coolness” baffles me. Schulz gives off all the energy of those late-developing socially-awkward geeks I would rescue from lockers after they were stuffed in there by the jocks they desperately sought the approval of. They are the ones who cross lines, bullying and abusing others because they think it will win them the validation of the “cool kids,” and let them into their cliques. Sometimes it worked, but they always ended up coming out the other end looking like even bigger losers.

That’s what I thought of when I saw Schulz complaining about Trump this week.

Listening to Schulz and his doofy-looking co-host with their heads coverd by tinfoil complain that they feel betrayed by Trump over the administration punting on the conspiracy theory was Jeffrey Epstein was at the center of a child sex trafficking ring orchestrated by the liberal establishment was a level of pathetic that I have to give Schulz some credit for allowing himself to show. Sitting there in a white shirt that looks like a blouse my lesbian aunt would wear, his hair serving us Deepwater Horizon chic, Schulz at times looked like he was about the cry, giving off the energy of a teenage boy scammed out of daddy’s money by an exotic beauty in on a boy’s trip to Miami. Is this really Zoomer men’s idea of manhood?

Schulz lamented that he voted for Trump, and isn’t getting what he voted for. Trump is still funding wars, which Schulz says he voted to stop. He complained that Trump had increased federal spending, which he said he voted for Trump to stop, and implied that not releasing the Epstein files was the final straw. He even went so far as to claim Rep. Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez (D-New York), a regular target of the manosphere’s angst, is the true “America First” politician. I cackled.

I’m told we’re not supposed to mock people like Schulz who have expressed disappointment at Donald Trump and regret for supporting him. We’re supposed to embrace them, talk to them, and win them over.

No. Let Pete Buttigieg, Gavin Newsom, and the other overly ambitious wannabe presidents soothe Schulz’s tender feelings. I don’t want to be president; I wish to see healthcare and civil rights protected and accountability for people like Schulz, who empowered those who put that in peril.

This is what happens when you think not with your brain, but with the tiny cock a cheerleader once made fun of you for, and you’re still traumatized by. Trump wasn’t a blank slate last year. He had already been president once before, where he funded wars, giving weapons and money to Saudi Arabia and Israel. Trump increased the federal deficit every year in his first term. He not only didn’t release the Epstein files in his first term, but he also allowed Epstein to die in federal custody. Yet despite all this, Schulz still supported him in 2024, believing, I suppose, he’d be completely different from what he was in the first term.

Schulz is the same guy who said just a few months ago that he voted for Trump because he wanted a president who “gets a lot of pussy.”

"When I was younger, like, Democrats were cool. They were getting their dick sucked in the office. They were supportive of hip-hop music. They said, 'Do whatever you want, we don't want to be in your bedroom—they were cool with gay people," Schulz said this Spring. “It was cool to be a Democrat! Now, the president got three baby mamas. He's getting pussy left and right. He's cool. He's the one saying, 'Say whatever the fuck you want.' So now conservatives have become Democrats. So, I don't think I've changed. I just like the dudes that get pussy and say whatever they want."

Andy, bro, from one New Yorker to another. What are you whining about then? The dude getting all the pussy and saying whatever he wants is the one exploding the federal deficit, funding all the wars, and protecting Epstein’s clients. Did you not think some of that pussy you love Trump for getting wasn’t on Epstein’s island?

“Getting pussy and saying whatever they want” was Schulz’s deciding factor in picking a president. That hasn’t changed. Was that all just bullshit meant to shock us?

Schulz’s and the rest of the manosphere’s obsession with restoring some traditional, outdated notion of masculinity into the culture overrode common sense that Trump is, and has always been, a master con artist who will do or say anything for power. They believed whatever they needed to believe to give themselves permission to empower Trump and men like him. That families are being torn apart and millions will lose their healthcare because a bunch of B-list comedians control the voting patterns of millions of men is not ideal. Future generations must explain how Americans voted for concentration camps in the Everglades because tens of millions of men were told Trump is cool because he gets pussy.

What I see when I see men like Schulz is lifelong losers who desperately want to hold on to that moment when the cool kids let them hang with them. The “shock joke dude bro” mentality is funny for some people, but it gets played out. The shock wears off, and we become numb to it, and before you know it, the people you are trying to shock and outrage with your language and actions roll their eyes at it.

Real men shouldn’t need to get a lot of pussy to be a real man. They shouldn’t need multiple baby mamas. They shouldn’t need to be insulting and offensive. Real men don’t need to remind people they’re men. They don’t need to double down on male tropes and stereotypes. What I see in men like Schulz, Rogan, and other manosphere figures who backed Trump are insecure figures who are trying way too hard to keep us from seeing what cannot be hidden, being a transparent veil of tough-talk and pussy-grabbing.

I wish Schulz and others the best of luck trying to convince the next generation of men, who have to live with the consequences of Trump’s policies, why these so-called superior beings got so easily conned.